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Posted by DeniseNC on October 10, 1997 at 10:34:53:

My wife and I are both Christian. She likens my crossdressing to having an affair with another 'woman' and therefore would not tolerate me dressing ever again. Her first marriage ended when her ex had an affair. She also contends that my crossdressing is sexually immoral since it more often than not results in masturbation. Therefore, she is totally against it and , in fact, would throw me out of the house if she ever finds out I'm still wearing things. Any thoughts or comments? Thanks.

Posted by Norma Jean Baker on October 10, 1997 at 11:46:59:


I am a Gay Transgender person, but I'll give this heterosexual marriage thing a stab.

When you two said your wedding vows, you both promised to love, honor and respect each other.

Part of that respect is, of each ones personal religious values.

Remember: There is a vast difference between personal religion and organized religions.

Apparently, your wife is forcing her religious values on you.

Apparently, your wife is not respecting your religious values.

I hope that, in your case, vice versa is not true.

I am not a believer in GOD. I simply know that GOD EXISTS.

I do however believe that GOD creates transgender, gay and lesbian people for a purpose.

That purpose is a two way test.

One, it tests Judeo-Christain-Islamic etc. reactions to the old commandment, "LOVE THY NEIGHBOR AS THYSELF".

It also tests their, "NEVER JUDGE, LEAST YE BE JUDGED".

The second part of the test, is a test of ourselves. Namely to be thankful to GOD for creating these wonderful differences in ourselves.

If we can accept our transgenderism and our sexuality as GOD given gifts, then we are better persons.

If we can appreciate and love the differences in ourselves then it is easy to accept and love the differences in others.

Besides, GOD gave Moses the 10 Commandments and gender/sexual issues were not a part of them.

If you are a moral person (don't steal, kill, rape, molest etc.) then why should anyone complain? Aren't you doing GOD'S bidding?

If your wife, "TRULY LOVES YOU --- WITHOUT EXCEPTION", then what is the problem here?

I assume the reverse is true in your case?

Hope this gives food for thought .... Norma Jean

Posted by Claire Ellen on October 10, 1997 at 15:45:48:

I think that Norma Jean has made some very valuable points. You both vowed to love, honor, respect, cherish, etc. each other. I would think that your wife feeling so strongly against your dressing hurts you in some manner. Is that fufilling your marriage vows?

That aside, her concerns and conceptions are interesting. In some facet, Denise is another woman, and given your wife's history, I can understand her feelings. When you dress, how much do you change? Do you truly become the inner woman? You noted that your wife considers masturbation a sexual perversion, of sorts. Suppose you were to suggest and take actions towards sexual gratification with your wife instead? Or would she find that too bizarre?

Mind you, I am not a therapist, I am not a professional, and I have never had to deal with these types of situations yet. I do not really expect any answers to the questions I put forth, they are more for you to work with and answer for yourself.

Feel free to e-mail me if you feel you need to. Take care and best of wishes.



Posted by Morgan on October 15, 1997 at 07:52:06:

DeniseNC, I believe that most women, if they are not hung up on religious dogma, would like to experience lesbian love in an acceptable manner. In my case, my wife has succeeded in getting me to consider cross-dressing and I am in the process of being taught to dress, walk, have the carry, sway and demeanor of a woman. I am quite masculine, was a NCAA diver in college. This will make her very happy, and I am convinced that anything done between husband and wife, which is consentual, the purpose of which is to give and receive pleasure is right in everybody's eyes. To deny pleasure is wrong.....that's my position on your problem. good luck....

Posted by Carla on October 16, 1997 at 01:15:31:

Well, I think she's overreacting a tad.

I think you need to have a long, hard talk with her about this matter. If she thinks it would help, go to a minister or Christian counsellor (who will be able to keep your issue private) regarding this matter. However you do it, make her see that you are the same man she married and that what you are doing is not sinful.

BUT! Bear in mind that you may have to give up this activity for the sake of your marriage. If this

happens you may wind up resenting the fact that she cut you off from an activity which brough you much pleasure. DON'T give in to that resentment. Understand that she is your wife. She is one flesh with you. I think we so often lose sight of that in modern society.

Self-sacrifice is always necessary in marriage. Just make sure that you don't give it up to keep peace. That makes you a doormat and she'll keep on walking all over you.

*sigh* It's not a perfect world, is it?

Good luck, and God Bless!